Missing In Action – In My Own Life
The last couple weeks I have felt MIA. I was going through the motions of life without really being present. I wasn’t laughing, I wasn’t smiling, I wasn’t motivated. The struggle was real and burnt out is the best was to describe it. Burnt out on being a wife, burnt out on being a mom, and burnt out on everyday life. All I wanted was sleep and nothing else. But because that is not an option when you are a mom and have a full-time job, I was going through the motions, but not really present.
Crashing and Burning
Lately I have been all about goals, goals, goals. And the cool thing is, they are actually happening. But even while they were happening the last couple weeks, I didn’t feel happy about them or motivated to push for more. In fact, just getting through the day felt like a challenge of itself. It was like life decided to push back on me when I finally felt like I had good momentum. Something was off. And in turn, everything was off. I was looking for every reason as to why I was feeling this way.
Some of my thoughts included: “I have bit off more than I can chew” and “I am not good enough to do it all”. I went into my shell for two weeks and sat in my anger, frustration, and sadness. I dwelled in the negative emotions. I took a break from everything “extra” and only went through the motions of my everyday life. I did not write in my daily goal journal, I did not go to bible study, I did not take my weekly coaching call. All to see if those were the factors to what was bothering me. But I already knew the answer: it wasn’t.
What Is it Going to Take?
My husband finally asked me what was wrong, because I wasn’t taking the initiative to tell him. Tears started running down my face as I explained. I was burnt out, exhausted, and overwhelmed. We have so much going on and it is all exciting, but I felt like I was carrying everything myself and all alone. We also hardly spent any time together just the two of us the last couple weeks and I felt completely disconnected. It was like we were two people living our own lives but sharing the same house. Then I told him the one thing that is the hardest for me to say: I needed more help.
Ryan works full-time, is doing school, helps around the house and takes care of Arya. None of this goes unnoticed. Instead, I felt angry and guilty because I still needed more help, did not want to ask, and did want to have to ask. Add in that we have hardly spent any quality time together so the opportunity to tell him sooner wasn’t ideal. But lucky for me, I married the one who is exactly right for me *insert hallelujah emoji*. Ryan is one of the kindest and most caring people I have ever met, and his response was exactly what I needed hear.
He started by apologizing for not being more vocal about his appreciation for me. He explained how, of course, he notices how much I do and is incredibly thankful. My love language is words of affirmation
(which his is definitely not). He let me know he will continue to work on verbally expressing his appreciation and love for me. Then he explained to me his interpretation of my actions and how he was feeling about everything. Communication is a two way street after all. After such a long time of not effectively communicating. Specifically about how we were feeling with the big changes in our life; having this conversation felt like a breakthrough and the heavy weight I felt finally rolled off. Next, we game planned how to avoid this from happening in the future.
Getting the Right Perspective
Since having that conversation, I already feel like a better wife and a better mother and a better friend. Waking up in the morning has been easier. Taking on my goals and being the best me is doable again. I am feeling like me again. A simple conversation with the one I love most did this.
My perspective was put back in-check also. The original thoughts and feelings I had are normal, but choosing to keep going despite those thoughts and fears is what’s important. Not giving up when life gets hard. Having the tough conversations. Persevering and not settling when deep down you know there is more.
So I changed my perspective and my thoughts, which in turn, changed my feelings. Instead of the thoughts: “I have bit off more than I can chew” and “I am not good enough to do it all”, they changed back to: “I am so lucky to have these opportunities” and “I have always been able to handle what life throws at me. It is not stopping me now.” When my relationships are solid, my perspective is more positive and I feel confident about chasing the life I want. I am able to picture myself living the life I want.
Life is always going to give me a reason to quit if I look for it. Struggles are going to come in all aspects of life. Motherhood – or should I say parenthood – is going to continue to rock my world. But when my husband and I take the time to focus on us first, we take on the challenge together.
Keeping my “Why” a Priority
Despite doing everything to work towards my own goals, if my most important relationships are out of balance, I realized none of it matters. If the “Why” behind the goals are not being taken care of, then everything else fails. If the non-negotiables are not being enforced and the foundation built to reach the goals is not solid, the goals will crumble.
Remember, it is ok to take a step back and reevaluate when needed. It is necessary to be in the right head space so the motivation to keep going is there, when things get tough. This experience reinforced that without solid support, not only did I pull back from working on my goals, but I didn’t even want to reach them.
My husband and my daughter are the “why” behind every action I take. Even the actions that are for myself, I do to be better for them. I have been taking the time to make sure my family is solid so that we feel confident about reaching for our goals once again. To keep pushing for the people we were meant to be. Because I believe deeply in becoming that person.
Once you have had a glimpse of the person you want to become, don’t let anything stop you from being that person and creating the life you truly deserve.